


All about Timing

by sara_bocchan (LittleSara)



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Era, Episode Related, Episode: s05e05 The Disir, Fluff, M/M, Magic Revealed, Merlin Canon Fest, light angst I think?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-01 10:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20813876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSara/pseuds/sara_bocchan
Summary: The Disir want magic to return to Camelot  — in exchange for saving Mordred's life, no less. Arthur wants to know what Merlin would do in his place. But what does Merlin want? He doesn’t know, but he has to make a decision anyway.





	All about Timing

**Author's Note:**

> **Episode:** The Disir: season 05 episode 05  
**Warnings:** -  
**A/N:** Another magic reveal for my Merlin_Canon entry, yay! :D This time it is a bit more straightforward than the last two times but I like it nonetheless. It is always so much fun to write magic reveals! I hope I can do it again next year, for another episode.  
Thank you to the mods for organising this fest! You give me motivation to write! I can’t thank you enough for that! <3<3<3  
A big thank you to by beta, schweet_heart, for her amazing help! You rock! <3<3<3  
And thank YOU for reading my story! <3  
**Disclaimer:** Merlin characters are the property of Shine and BBC. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

He had always waited for the right moment. For the perfect opportunity. When nothing could possibly go wrong.

Years ago, Merlin had realised that there would never be such a thing as the 'right moment,' and if there was, it had long passed.

At this point, Arthur would be angry with him no matter what. They had been best friends for so long, and how could Merlin keep a secret this important from him for all these years?

Merlin couldn't hold it against Arthur. He would be angry too, if Arthur kept secrets from him.

But now.

Now the Disir wanted Arthur to let magic return to Camelot — in exchange for saving Mordred's life, no less.

Now Arthur wanted to know what Merlin would do, and what was Merlin supposed to say?

Letting Mordred die now would save Arthur's life, it would change that blasted prophecy once and for all! But if he didn't let magic return to Camelot now, it probably never would. There would never be a golden age, nothing of the bright future he still dreamed of.

So no, this was by no means a perfect opportunity, but it was the only one he had.

Merlin took a deep breath, held it for a long moment, and released it in a drawn out sigh. He didn't dare raise his gaze from Arthur's boots, because his eyes already burned with unshed tears before he had even said a word. His hands were shaking so he hid them under his armpits.

To sum it up: he was a nervous wreck. It was so unfair that  _ now _ of all times Arthur chose to be patient with him.

Merlin took another deep breath and forced his head up, slowly. If he was going to do this, he would do it properly. He would look at Arthur. He would tell Arthur everything he was willing to hear. And he would take Arthur’s reaction as it was, no matter how much it hurt.

"There is no place for magic in Camelot," Merlin said, in a voice so raspy it barely sounded like him.

Arthur's eyebrows drew together and he pursed his lips. Merlin took another deep breath and pushed out the second, more important part of his answer before Arthur could say anything.

"But I always hoped there would be, one day." Merlin held Arthur's gaze, saw his eyes widen in surprise. Arthur stared at him for what felt like hours but probably wasn't even a minute, as if that would give him all the answers.

Finally, he asked, his voice shaking ever so slightly: "Why do you hope for magic to return to Camelot?"

This was it. There was no turning back now, Merlin knew, and he didn't regret his decision to finally be honest with Arthur but that didn't make this any easier. 

Merlin only wished he could tell Arthur without starting to cry. It was a lost cause already, unfortunately. 

"Because—" Merlin paused to push away the first tears rolling down his cheeks. "Because. I am a sorcerer."

He’d done it. He had finally said it! His head was spinning with how light-headed he felt. It was such a relief to finally tell Arthur! 

Merlin let out a slightly hysterical chuckle. Arthur was watching him, eyebrows drawn together and slowly shaking his head. He didn't even need to say it; Merlin knew Arthur didn’t believe him.

Carefully, Merlin raised his hands and cupped them together in front of his mouth. He whispered the spell into his palms, eyes flashing gold for a split second, never looking away from Arthur through all of it.

It wasn't even as hard to keep looking at Arthur as it had been mere moments ago. The secret was out. Arthur knew. He  _ knew! _ There was nothing left to hide, no reason to keep secrets — and Merlin loved it. Even the tears had stopped flowing — a lot sooner than Merlin had anticipated, to be quite honest.

With a smile on his face, he stretched his arms out towards Arthur and opened his hands. 

A delicate blue butterfly fluttered out. Arthur followed it, eyes wide and mouth agape. The butterfly flew towards Arthur and made a jagged circle over his head before it took off into the night.

Only when it's bright colour had vanished completely did Arthur turn his eyes on Merlin again. He held his gaze for a long minute, expression unreadable for once.

"You lied to me," Arthur said and got up, turning away. He walked away from the campfire, still close enough for Merlin to see him clearly, then suddenly turned left. Arthur started to pace around the campfire, and thus Merlin, in big circles. It didn't look like he was about to stop anytime soon. Merlin followed him with his eyes but stayed calmly where he was. 

"You lied to me!" Arthur repeated, shouting, and stopped a good distance away from Merlin.

Merlin flinched, but didn't look away from Arthur. "Yeah. Sorry I kept this from you for so long."

Arthur let out a hard breath, obviously suppressing his anger, though just barely. He looked at Merlin for a long moment, breathing hard and frown ever deepening, then he suddenly turned away, held up his hand to signal Merlin to not say anything — not that Merlin had planned to — and continued his pacing.

Merlin gulped and lowered his gaze to the campfire to give Arthur some space, as much as he could in their current situation. There was much more he needed to explain to Arthur, such as the consequences saving Mordred could have. He had to tell him about all the times he’d used magic for good, to save Arthur and Camelot! And he had to tell him about all the times he’d fucked up.

There was just so much Arthur didn’t know, but there was no way Merlin could tell him everything before they had to return to the Disir. So where should he start? How could he best help Arthur with making this decision?

How could he have his dream without endangering Arthur’s life?

Merlin looked up again, watching Arthur pace in the distance. He had switched to walking back and forth on a small path of even ground, head lowered and arms crossed. Merlin couldn’t make out his face in the darkness but he didn’t need to. He could already picture the look on Arthur’s face.

Without noticing, a smile had formed on Merlin’s face. He knew Arthur so well. They had known each other for so long! And Merlin realized with sudden clarity, he trusted Arthur. Completely and without a doubt.

No matter what Arthur decided and what the future would bring, Merlin knew he could trust Arthur to do the right thing.

It was right then that Arthur turned and looked back at him. He raised an eyebrow in question, probably because of the dopey smile that was on Merlin's face. Merlin only smiled wider.

He was sure he saw Arthur mouth twitch upwards for a second in return.

Arthur walked closer to Merlin and stopped on the other side of the campfire. He crossed his arms again and looked at Merlin, radiating determination and authority.

“I am going to ask you some questions now and you are going to answer them, truthfully” — his gaze hardened for a second — “and then, and only then, you will be allowed to say anything in you defence. Are we understood?”

Merlin nodded. He had not intended to lie to Arthur ever again, anyway. From now on, there would be no more secrets between them.

Arthur sat down in the same spot he had vacated earlier. “One: have you ever used magic on me?”

Merlin pulled a face. This wasn’t a good start.

“Yes. A couple of times to heal you, or try to heal you. And, well, do you remember back when Agravaine attacked Camelot and we fled and ran into Tristan and Isolde?” Arthur nodded and his face hardened, probably already knowing where this was going. “I used a spell on you to make you do anything I said — not intentionally! I didn’t know the effect would be so enormous, and— I’m sorry. You just wouldn’t listen and I couldn’t let you die. It was the only way to save you.”

Merlin was grateful that Arthur hadn’t interrupted him, but the look the king was giving him now wasn’t very reassuring. Arthur simply nodded once, not offering any reply.

“Two: have you ever used magic to harm Camelot or it’s people?” Arthur asked.

Merlin let out a relieved sigh. “No, I haven’t.” He almost left it at that, but remembering the dragon and Freya, he added: “I did a couple of... reckless things that did end up hurting people, though. It was never my intention, but that doesn't change the fact that they were my fault.”

It was hard to read Arthur’s face, but Merlin was sure he saw some understanding and sympathy in his eyes.

Arthur was quiet for a long moment, watching the campfire, before he asked his next question.

“When did you start practicing... magic?”

“I was born with it," was Merlin's immediate answer. Before he could elaborate on it, Arthur spluttered.

"What? That's absurd!" he shouted.

Merlin almost rolled his eyes. He had expected it would be hard for Arthur to understand that sometimes — probably even most of the time — people didn't choose to the magic. The magic chose them.

There was, however, not enough time to explain that all right now.

"It's true, though. You can ask my mum," Merlin answered instead, hoping it would be enough to convince Arthur. "She has some very embarrassing stories about the kind of stuff I got up to as a child. I'm sure she would be delighted to finally share them with someone."

Arthur stared at him, a frown and disbelief and... something else on his face Merlin couldn't read.

"So. You have used magic all your life. All these years...." He trailed off, but it wasn't hard to guess what was implied. Merlin had used magic all the time they had know each other. Ten years he had hidden this from Arthur, had lied to him whenever necessary, and there was nothing he could do or say to change that.

"Yeah," was his weak reply. Arthur nodded again, a certain sadness now easy to read in his eyes. Then, suddenly, he looked away and cleared his throat.

"Do you think Morgana was corrupted by magic?" Arthur asked next.

Merlin sighed, not able to hold it back with this dire topic. "No, that was all Morgause's fault," he said and paused a moment, not sure if he should add his next thought. One look at Arthur and the obvious desire for any further information shining in his eyes, and Merlin knew he had to at least add one of his contemplations. "I... I still wonder how things would have played out, if I had told her about my magic. If I had been there for her and supported her, you know?"

Arthur nodded. They rarely talked about Morgana, but Merlin knew that Arthur thought the same way. What if Arthur had known about her magic? What if he had supported her?

But there was no use in thinking about that now. They had to consider the future, now.

"Who did you tell about your magic?" Arthur asked. Not the topic Merlin had expected, although he should have, in hindsight.

"Only you. There are some people who found out accidentally, but you are the only one I’ve ever told." Merlin could see the surprise on Arthur's face, with the wide eyes and raised eyebrows. There was, however, also a light blush forming on his cheeks.

Wisely, Merlin choose not to comment on it.

"Who found out, then?"

"Gaius and my mum, obviously." Merlin listed off on his fingers. "Lancelot knew, and my father..."

Merlin trailed off at that, distracted by the memory. His father, the Dragonlord, was a whole other secret he had yet to reveal to Arthur, preferably at some later time.

"Your father...?" Arthur probed.

Well, a secret he had to tell right now, then.

"Balinor," was all he said. All he needed to say, apparently.

"Oh. That explains a lot,” Arthur replied. Merlin could see the moment he figured it all out on his face. "So you defeated that dragon, not me." Arthur didn't look happy about that, but neither did he sound overly angry. Just... exasperated.

Merlin was not sure what to make of that, so he simply answered the implied question, hoping it wouldn't make things worse.

"More like I ordered him to stop and threatened to kill him if he ever dared to hurt anyone again, but yeah. That was my doing."

Arthur raised one eyebrow at him, but there was a small, fond smile on his face as well. Merlin could almost hear him complaining that Merlin couldn't hurt a fly, never mind kill someone. 

Instead, Arthur said nothing, and the smile was gone again.

"How often have you done this?" He continued his questioning.

"Done what?"

"Saved my life — saved Camelot — and not claimed any recognition for it," Arthur explained rolling his eyes at Merlin as if it should have been obvious.

Merlin let out a drawn out exhale. For once, this was a question he could not answer. "Honestly, I lost count years ago. I don't do it to be praised. I do it for you. As long as it helps you, I am happy."

"And yet, you never thought to tell me, until today," Arthur said with a scoff.

"No. I thought about it every day," Merlin interjected immediately. He waited for Arthur to look back at him, so Arthur could see how important it was for Merlin that he understood this part. When Merlin felt sure that his message had come across, he let out a breath he hadn't noticed he was holding. 

"I was waiting for the right moment," he explained, "when nothing could possibly go wrong. There is a lot that could go wrong today, but... you need to know as much about magic and the potential consequences of this decision as possible. This is more important than me being scared— not that I don't trust you, of course I do! And— "

"Merlin." Arthur gave him a stern look and crossed his arms. "First answer my questions, then you can ramble to your heart's content."

Merlin gulped and took a deep breath to calm himself down. He was actually glad Arthur had interrupted him. He had no idea where he was going with this. Probably towards complete disaster.

"Right, sorry. Your questions first," Merlin said and took another calming breath. He forced his hands to unclench from the fabric of his trousers. Had he been sitting like this the whole time? He really needed to calm down if he wanted to make a good impression on Arthur.

Arthur took his sweet time before asking the next question. Not that Merlin was complaining. This whole "revealing your magic to the king of Camelot" thing was as terrifying as it was exciting.

He tried really hard to focus on the being excited part of his brain. It was working, for the most part.

"Okay, one final question," Arthur said in a quiet voice. He had Merlin's full attention instantly. "What are your feelings for me?"

What? Merlin blinked at him in confusion. This was not a question he had expected. He could feel his cheeks heating up and a part of him wanted to lie. But no more lies, no more secrets — that was what they had agreed upon.

Merlin’s hands clenched back into his trousers, and he felt dizzy all over again with his heart beating so fast.

"I love you, with all my heart." Merlin knew he was blushing, hard, but he didn't look away from Arthur. With all the important things they had talked about by now, this was by far the most important. He needed Arthur to understand how deeply he felt for him, no matter what Arthur might feel in return.

It seemed like multiple minutes had passed by the time Arthur's measuring expression turned into a smile. "I love you, too," he whispered. He was so quiet Merlin barely heard him over the cracking of the campfire. But he had and it made him smile just as widely and fondly in return.

They sat there just smiling at each other for another long moment, until Arthur cleared his throat once again to get them back on track.

"All right then," he said. "Explain, and cut it short. We have all the time in the world to talk about this after we handled the Disir."

Merlin grinned at the implication that they would be talking about this in more detail in the future, before he started off with explaining the prophecies he knew about them. 

Maybe this  _ was  _ the right moment after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Constructive critique is always welcome! <3


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